


The People's Choice

by sippingonstardust



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 15:42:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19022923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sippingonstardust/pseuds/sippingonstardust
Summary: “Why is Us Weekly saying you’re the most eligible bachelor in Gotham?” is the first thing Bruce says to him when he accepts the call.





	The People's Choice

“Why is  _ Us Weekly _ saying you’re the most eligible bachelor in Gotham?” is the first thing Bruce says to him when he accepts the call.

The shock must show on his face, because Roy immediately stops doing the dishes, shutting off the tap and turning to Kory with raised eyebrows and a mirrored frown.

“Uh, hello to you too,  _ dad _ .”

“Since when do you go to that gym? Don’t you have workout equipment at your place? And why are you shirtless?”

He presses his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose, begs a silent prayer to the gods to just let him not be at the other end of that indignantly grating tone, just once in his life. “Well, yeah. Bu-”

“There’s a Sexiest Men in Gotham list on page six and you’re number one. How did that happen? It’s full of billionaires and if I recall correctly, you’re not quite  _ there _ yet.”

“Is this all you called to say? That you’re jealous because the tabloids think I’m  _ hotter _ than you? No one’s dying or anything, right?”

Kori’s pretty green eyes go wide as she gives an amused snort into her bowl of cereal. Roy clutches his hands to the his chest and gapes his mouth open like a dying seal. The line goes silent for a minute, enough to let him hear Bruce’s fuming. He hopes that Babs records all their conversations, because he desperately wants to listen to this one for the rest of his life.

“....I am  _ not  _ jealous.”

“You are.”

“Am  _ not _ .”

“You are. You’re totally jealous, B.” he chortles, ego riding high on the realization. “Face the facts, the people think I’m better looking now and you have to admit you are getting…. _ old _ .”

There’s a sound of the phone hitting the floor, a screeched hiss of pain and several curses before his dad picks up the line again. “You take  _ that _ back. You take it back, right now.”

“Take what back?”

“I am not,” he gasps. “ _ Old _ .”

He has to pull the phone away from his face to muffle a laugh into his forearm. But the hilarity rises like a wave and a bellyaching chuckle is expelled from him. He’s sure Bruce hears it.

Roy, who stands in a similar state with his hands braced against the counter, wipes at his teary eyes before supplying loudly, “I don’t think you’re that old yet, Bruce. I’m sure the pensioners think you’ve still got it.”

Jason loses it again and Kori squeals, nearly choking on a spoonful of milk and cocoa pops.

“Jason.”

“Bruce.”

“You’re friends are listening in?”

“Oracle probably is too, and maybe even Tim.”

Bruce heaves a sigh, shaky and distressed into the receiver. “My life has become a joke.”

“What would you have me do? Call  _ People Magazine _ and tell them I decline being the best looking guy in the city?”

“It’s  _ Us Weekly _ and….”

“Oh my god, you’re actually considering it.”

“Am not,” he repeats. “I’m done now, you’re insufferable. Don’t forget you promised to spend the day with Damian on Saturday.”

Jason grins, “Oh, I won’t. He reminded me of that when we were all— and by all I mean; him, Duke, Dick, Tim, Cass and I— were at the gym last week. Without  _ you _ .”

Bruce swears again, lets loose a noise like muffled fog horn and hangs up.

  
  
  



End file.
